Sick Day

My time here in Berlin is coming to a close, but I am going to do my best to give you some highlights from the last few weeks as I find time to write about them. Seeing as that I haven't had much time (or will) to transcribe my thoughts and experiences as they have been happening, don't expect too much. But hey, I'm making an effort.

Two weeks ago, I came down simultaneously with some type of stomach flu as well as a middle-ear infection, and thus spent a majority of the week in my flat, resting. After making it to work on Wednesday, I was immediately led out the door by my boss who insisted I should go see a doctor because I “looked green.” Before departing, he assisted me in obtaining a list of English-speaking doctors in the Berlin area, and pointed out 3 that were nearby. He also insisted that I shouldn’t worry about making an appointment, but rather just show up so that way they can’t turn me away. At the time, it seemed like sound logic.

Anyway, after getting a bit lost and unfortunately shelling out an unneccesary 5 Euro for a 2 minute cab ride (how should I have known I was only 2 blocks away? My ear was hurting too much to concentrate at the time!), I realized that perhaps I should have phoned ahead first. It turns out that the information provided on the US Embassy’s doctor list must not be kept up to date. Upon entering the building, I immediately realized that I was clearly not in the right place. Rather then entering a doctor’s office, I found myself in a shared multi-African state embassy building.. Somewhere between all of the curious stares, security guards, and African flags I realized I was clearly out of place. After trying to look as nonchalant as possible as I retraced my steps back out the door (and telling myself that I might not look as awkward as I was feeling because hey, at least I was wearing a business suit), I pulled out the list of doctors and immediately called the office I thought I was at. Straight to modem. Of course.

So by this time its starting to get pretty hot outside, and I am wearing a black suit, I am stressed out, and oh yeah, I’m sick. Needless to say, it was getting pretty uncomfortable standing around.

I decided I would make another attempt at finding a doctor. Reviewing the list, I quickly recognized that I had no clue where the hell any of these doctors’ practices were, and I didn’t feel like shelling out money for more random cab rides that could be as close as a block or as far as 15km. I eventually decided on one more that my boss had recommended I check out, and this time I decided to call first. The call went straight to a German-only voice mail.

At this point, I am beginning to get that “oh shit I think I am going to pit out through my suit” feeling, which only exasturbated my steadily increasing headache. I believe I muttered “fuck this” audibly enough for some passerbys to look at me, and marched myself to the nearest train station to get myself home. I figured that I clearly wasn’t dying, so even though it felt like someone was stabbing me in the ear, if I just sat in bed and watched illegal streaming television for long enough I would get better.

In my heated (clever word use, right?) state, I completely forgot that the S-Bahn wasn’t running (and still isn’t) East-West routes (Side Note: Turns out they had to shut down the trains because after some inspections of the cars, the committee in charge recognized that they were essentially moving death-traps and could kill people at any moment…good to know that I was riding in them regularly for almost 2 months prior).

Anyway, the S-Bahn wasn’t running, and there was no direct tram/bus/u-bahn route back to my stop. I was clearly in no mood to figure out a new way home, so I had to wait around for the Regio Express, which only runs 2 an hour. And wouldn’t you know it, I got to the station just as it was pulling away. It just really wasn’t my day.

Anyway, I eventually make it home only to find the door locked (I had left my key with Mayme, who has been staying at my flat, so she could do things during the day when I was theoretically supposed to be at work). Now this is when I start to really freak out.

I rang the buzzer a half-dozen times. No answer. Luckily, a neighbor lets me into the foyer of the building, and I begin ringing the front door bell. Again, no answer. I knock. No answer. I pull out my phone and try to call Mayme’s cell phone. It’s off. I send a desperate text message just in case. I walk around the back of the apartment and try to open the back door. Locked. I knock on all of the windows. Silence.

I give up and go back out to the street. Frustrated, I start throwing pebbles at Mayme’s window, just in case, for some reason, she is really sound asleep. Nothing.

There I was, visibly sick and stressed out, pacing in front of my building in my grey suit that, now saturated with sweat, was beginning to gain a darker tint to it. In my moment of desperation I did the only thing I could think of – I called my parents.

Being that it was just before noon my time, this meant that I was calling Los Angeles just before 3am. I was a bit embarrassed about calling at such an inconvenient hour, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

I don’t want to get into the specifics of the phone call here, but I just wanted to publicly thank my parents for putting up with me and helping me figure everything out in my moment of panic. Also, sorry for not really letting you get any sleep that night. My bad.

At the advice of my parents I called a few more doctors, only to be told that “no doctors are in on Wednesday afternoons.” Apparently, here in Germany it is culturally accepted that Wednesday afternoons are an appropriate time for those in the medical profession to have a beer and a round of golf. Should you find yourself in a medical emergency, you can either wait in line at the emergency room, or just deal with it until Thursday. I began to consider the emergency room, but was trending more towards the latter option solely because the thought of the language-barrier at the ER made me sweat more then I already was. In my state, the thought of trying to explain my symptoms to an ER nurse who quite possibly might not speak a word of English seemed far worse then just sucking up the pain and waiting it out.

Realizing that I could not wait in front of my flat any longer, I decided to make the trek to the rentral agency to see if they might have a spare key I could borrow so I could get back into my flat. This journey would regularly only take 20 minutes with the S-Bahn, but since of course the train system was not operational, it took about an hour to get to the agency. Luckily however, they did have a spare key. Relieved, I made the trek back to my flat.

On the ride home, I got a call from my parents who told me they found an on-call doctor who was willing to come to my flat and check me out. Things were looking up.

When I got home, I was greeted at the door by one groggy and dazed Mayme Berman, who sighed, “I just got up…how did you get back in here?”

Not cool.

The on-call doctor was quite an experience as well. I felt like I was straight outta the olden’ days…he came and checked me out in bed and had all sorts of interesting instruments in little little medical attache. The only difference was that he prescribed me real, modern medicine, instead of something cool like leeches and deer blood. That was the only bummer. On the plus side though, he gave me a shot of vitamins which was cool. Mostly because he mixed the whole concoction right infront of me, and also because I was fascinated with the well, lack of care for hygene through the whole procedure. I mean, he never once washed his hands or used gloves or anything. In the States, at the VERY LEAST you would expect the guy to have gloves on when he a) mixed the vials together, b) pulled out a needle, c) put the needle in me, and d) wiped the area down after pulling out the needle.

Things certainly are different here. I will miss it though.

Tune in next time for: "Czech Ya Later, Prague 2009." Or perhaps, "Brad Goes Clubbing, Hilarity Ensues." Or maybe even, "I Can't Believe I Got Drunk and Ate That."

My New Haircut and Other Assorted Thoughts

So this has been a pretty good week, but before I get to that I just have a few things I'd like to mention:

1. First of all, thanks to all of you who have been following my blog and subsequently for your kudos on both its content and my ability to craft prose. I cannot tell you how much this ego-stroking has meant to me. Your praise has inspired me to consider writing a novel. Yes, a novel. Based loosely on my life and my social commentary. Unfortunately, my upper-middle class privileged lifestyle does not provide a whole lot of adversity, so the book is going to focus more on witty commentary and amusing shenanigans more then actual hardship. I'm think of calling it, "Liquor Before Beer and Other Things I Wish I Still Believed In," and I'm already anticipating a best-seller. Or at least a spot on Oprah. You'd pay to read my thoughts, right? Well, maybe not since I'm delivering them here for free. Shit.
2. Health Care. I just wanted to say I am tired of reading about all this bitching, particularly from Eric Cantor, Mitch McConnell, and Blue Dog Democrats. I'm sorry, this thing is going to happen with or without you. The American public is now strongly in favor of passing health care reform. While I admire you for sticking to your fiscally conservative ethos, the fact is that you are responsible to your constituents and the want reform. And they want it now. I now deep down that you all recognize that its going to happen with or without you, and by posturing like this you are setting you and your party up for 2010, but really, if 2008 showed us anything, its that the people of our great nation are tired of this political bullshit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the game and I can't wait until I'm neck-deep in it, but on an issue such as this its time to stop dragging your feet and do what is best for the country, not for you or your party. The same goes for the new climate change bill. While it's not everything I'd hoped for, it's a start. And in politics, something is always better then nothing, so I'm not really complaining here. But seriously Republicans/conservative Dems: you are on the wrong side of history. Oh and stop bashing the Recovery Act. It's been 4 months. Chill.
3. Hooters in Berlin. To all Berliners - my sincerest apologies on behalf on America. I am sorry for giving you what could perhaps be the end of civilization as you know it: women who dress like hookers but (most likely) wont have sex with you, American beer, and greasy buffalo wings. I know many of you here are excited about its grand opening, but believe me - stay away. When people talk about the downsides of globalization, this should be a prime example.
4. Dave Chappelle. Those of you in Portland know what I'm talking about. I am so bummed I missed his surprise appearance at Pio Square. My only reaction of course though is, why, of all places, Portland? Didn't he quit his namesake show because he didn't like that his entire audience was 20something white affluent males (read population of Portland)?

So like I was saying, this has been a pretty good week. My weekend was pretty mellow - I was hoping to go big and do some clubbing or something but it just never materialized. Instead, I wound up seeing Brüno. While I don't think it was quite as good as Borat, I still enjoyed it. But I think I liked it 10x more because I saw it with Germans. There is nothing like the "oooohhhh daaayyyummmmmmnn" from a theater full of Germans when someone on screen makes a Hitler joke. Priceless.

Anyway, the rest of my week looked like this:

Monday - Went exploring and wound up at a lake on the outskirts of town near Wansee. I took a walk around the lake and wound up renting a row boat. It was pretty cool. Also, at the insistence of people I met at a biergarten there I had Radler, or beer mixed with Sprite. I was hesitant at first, but found that I actually really enjoyed it. Later confirmed my suspicion that Radler was in fact a "bitch drink" similar to Mikes Hard Lemonade. Don't really care, and I'm bringing it back with me to Portland.

Tuesday - The Kapitän's (department head) last day of work before he goes on vacation. We celebrate by having Belgian chocolates and champagne in the afternoon. Work ended early on Tuesday.

With my new free time however, I decided that I was in need of a haircut. I wound up going to this place in Kruezberg (once super ghetto, now super hipster) that I found on the Internet. The place is a one man shop that also serves as this dudes' art studio. It was funky, but all the reviews said it was good so I thought, why not. When I got there, instead of paying for the trim, he said that instead he would charge me for a piece of his art that was of equal value to the work I wanted done and he would then give me the cut for free. It seemed like a rather complex way of saying, "for the 35 euro haircut I will give you one of these pieces of art that I made in less then 2 minutes." But whatever, I thought this guy was just eccentric and artsy so I just went with it. I told him what I wanted done, and he proceeded to do pretty much the opposite. Needless to say, when he was done I definitely was rocking some serious euro-sleaze. The top of my hair was about 3x as long as the sides. I was not down.

After some serious freakouts about it (thank you to Amelia and my father for putting up with me), I decided I needed to have something done to it. Fast. By the time I made it to the salon down the street from me though, they were already closing for the night, so I had to a whole day with this ridiculous look.

To give you some idea of what this haircut looked like, think of it as the European version of "My New Haircut." It was about as skeezy as you could get. As my boss put it when he saw it the next day, it would "make me popular...with the German girls..." (note the trailing off). He also mentioned that it sort of looked like a toupe.

Wednesday - I went back to the salon, but of course they didn't speak any English there. Thankfully a client was able to translate for me and for 4 euro they fixed it. It was a crisis diverted. Thank god.

Thursday - It was extremely hot and the trains continued to not run on time. Still a good day though, mostly because I was no longer freaking out about my hair (yeah so what, I freak out about my hair. Deal).

Friday - Wait that's today. I rode my bike to work and that was a lot of fun. Also since its Friday and my advisor is taking off for his vacation on Wednesday I'm currently in no-work-but-still-have-to-show up limbo. I stayed through lunch then went for a ride through Tiergarten before coming home and writin' this thing. Mayme gets here around 8:30 tonight and I'm sure we will do something worthwhile of a blog entry sometime soon.

I realize I kind of don't really like this post. I'll try and do better next time.

One observation though for any of you who have visited/planning to visit German and/or know a German person who speaks English. Ask them to say a word that starts with "v" in English, like say for example, "visitor." Germans pronounce 'v' like we do 'w'. It can be quite entertaining. When I first got here, I got confused when my boss told me that we were having a "wisitor" (which I mistook for 'wizard' the first time he said it). Just thought I'd share.

Oh and about that novel. Odds are I will never write it. Even in writing this blog post I have already decided that coming up with interesting this to say is far too time consuming and psychologically draining. It was a good idea while it lasted though, right?

It's About That Time...

So, another week goes by without me updating this thing.

I’ve been busy, so sue me.

Anyway, quite an exciting week it has been. Not just for me, but really for people around the world. So much has changed since my last post, I really feel as though it deserves just a bit of my commentary (read: I like to talk about current events and thus such commentary is most likely to become a regular segment in my updates. Deal with it.)

First of all, I think these past few weeks have only added conclusive proof to the "celebrity deaths come in 3's" theory. First Farrah, then Michael, and then Billy Mays. As the late, great infomercial man one said, "I'll throw in the last one free at no extra charge!"

Between the first coup d'etat in South America since the Cold War, conservative politicians "hiking on the Appalachian Trail," mavericks who quit their jobs because "dead salmon are the only things that go with the flow," GM selling its "good assets" to the "New GM" (62% of which is owned by taxpayers like you and me!) and deciding that muscle cars are still a viable product, and the media spending countless hours debating whether or not its okay for Al Franken to be funny while serving in the Senate, who has time to remember that Michael Jackson died two weeks ago? Oh wait, its because that's still top news for some reason. Cool. But I mean seriously, I'm glad I don't have US cable television here, because that shit will rot your brain.

Okay now I'm getting off topic, but I don't really care. I think the entire concept of 24 hour news networks is foolish. There, I said it. It was a great idea, but sometimes, what is a good idea in theory doesn't always translate well to the real world. Like the Big 3's business model for the last 30 years. Good idea (to some), but in the end didn't really end up working out well. I like the idea that I can be informed of everything happening around the world as its happening, but I think after the birth of the Internet these networks pretty much lost all credibility on that front.

Alright enough of this I'm just sort of rambling. Now here's what I've been up to for the last week or so.

Before I get to my updates though I want to throw a shout-out to my fellow blogger-in-arms, “B.Mike.” I don’t quite understand the “B” in his pseudonym, but regardless I’m sending some blog-props out to him for hassling me and keeping me motivated to update this. Currently doing historical research in the ever-beautiful home of the greatest patriot of all time, Mike keeps up a detailed and witty account of his experiences as an intern in perhaps the most cracked-out place on Earth (when I say cracked out, I really mean meth. But ‘methed-out’ doesn’t have the same ring to it). Anyway, check out his blog sometime – truly inspiring.

Oh so where was I? Oh yeah, what I’ve been up to. This is probably going to be a bit of a doozy, so kick your feet up and grab a schnitzel, it’s going to be a wild ride.

Anyway, last Wednesday my parents and I took the fast-train to Hamburg. It was my first time on a real train (well, at least as long as I can remember), and it was my first time seeing any part of Germany outside of Berlin.

Since my parents were also going to be taking the train to München (Munich) for the weekend, they got themselves hooked up with first-class train tickets while I had to wallow with the common folk in second class (please note sarcasm). The train ride to Hamburg was relatively short (about 2 and a half hours), and I spent the whole trip in the dining car eating my way through a basket of bread and cheeses. Come to think of it, I’m actually quite certain that was the first and only actual “breakfast” I’ve had since I’ve been here. Weird. Anyway though, what I’m trying to say is the train ride was nice and it was cool to see the German countryside. In the small towns we passed through you could definitely see a good mixture of buildings that probably haven’t changed in 100+ years as well as decaying remnants of East German “infrastructure.” I put infrastructure in quotations because it really does all just look like a fascade.

One really cool thing I noticed as I stared out the window was the amount of wind turbines scattered throughout the countryside. I mean, I’ve heard and read a bit about how Germany is really becoming a leader in clean energy and all that, but it was really pretty cool to see it up close and personal. I think of the hundreds of windmills I saw, I probably saw less then 4 smokestacks along the way to Hamburg. While this just may mean that the Germans are good at keeping their CO2 production hidden, I’d like to think that perhaps this whole ‘green revolution’ thing might be possible.

One side note on this though before I go on: While looking at a cluster of windmills I realized that they could probably be extremely more effective if once the wind picked up in a certain direct they could all pivot to get the maximum amount of energy from the particular gust. As they stand now, the windmills are all positioned in different directions, but if they could all move once one started to pick up a significant amount of wind, wouldn’t that be extremely more efficient? Again, I’m no scientist or engineer, but I’m just saying. Oh and for your scientists and engineers out there, if this turns out to be a good idea, don’t forget where you read it first.

Oh so yeah, Hamburg. When we arrived we were met by my dad’s friend and business associate Helmar who showed us around for the day. Let me tell you a few things about Helmar…well really just one thing: Helmar is a badass. Plain and simple. Helmar is a war correspondant for the German television station, Spiegel TV, and has traveled the world and seen some pretty incredible shit. In addition to regaling us with his stories from work, Helmar also told us about the time BMW paid him to drive one of their motorcycles across North and South America. I’m talking Alaska to Tirerra del Fuego. Crazy right? While taking in a lovely boat tour of the Port of Hamburg (mind you, it was about 10000 degrees and humid), Helmar also shared with us some of the highlights of the trip he and his wife took driving their car from Germany to South Africa. Without getting into too many details (because I won’t give them justice), one part of the story involved faking visas, getting caught, and using booze to convince their captors to set them free.

I would say that I wish my life was like his, but unfortunately I think I would probably shit myself in many of the situations he is in. And I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean I just don’t think I have the intestinal capabilities to withstand those sorts of high-intensity situations. Oh well.

So anyway, Hamburg was cool. Well not really, because as I said before it was incredibly hot and incredibly humid. One other interesting highlight of the day was walking through Hamburg’s red-light district. Now, it’s my belief that all American teenage boys, thanks in large part to great triumphs of American cinema (read Eurotrip), have had some sort of fascination with the freedoms found in European culture (read prostitution). American teens fantisize about their first time walking through such neighborhoods (just to look, of course), most likely in the company of their good friends as part of their larger vacation, drinking and puking through Europe. However, I am fairly confident that few if any of these boys imagined that in their first time walking into such a local they would be accompanied by their fathers. While there are lots of things my father and I like to do together, this is one thing I had always hoped would remain separate. As much as I love my father, looking at hookers and father-son bonding just don’t go together in my head. (Sorry Dad, just being honest). Nevertheless, it was quite entertaining and now I don’t feel the need to go to Amsterdam. And hey, I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said, “A penny saved is a penny not spent on a Hamburger hooker and the possible acquisition of numerous STDs.” Oh yeah, I also find it thoroughly amusing that the residents of Hamburg are called Hamburgers. ROFL LOL OMG LOLcats COMG.

Now we fast forward to Friday. Friday was supposed to be my chance to meet some German/American VIPs at the US Embassy's 4th of July celebration (yes, held on the 3rd for some reason). Anyway, thanks to a very well-connected individual (who also got me my job here), I got hooked up with an invite to this special shindig. My preconceptions of this event led me to believe it would a fairly small gathering, more or less a cocktail party where I could hobnob some important people and get hooked up with some cool job back home. Boy was I wrong.

Now, don't get me wrong, I actually had a great time. It just wasn't what I was expecting. When my guest (read date) Josh and I made it to the venue, we were surprised to find that it more of a grand, corporate-sponsored fiesta then anything else. Josh and I figured there had to have been between 400 and 500 people there, but apparently, there were over 1000. The sheer size of the event pretty much put the kibosh on meeting any important people. I mean, I spent 2 hours just looking for the guy who helped got me the invitation and I couldn't find him!

Anyway though, event itself was pretty cool. All the big American businesses/food chains in Germany had booths, the highlights of which included free Bud and Sam Adams and as many boxes of Duncan Doughnuts that you could carry. God bless America.

Entertainment was provided courtesy of the Navy's own rock 'n roll band, Flagship. First of all, let me start by saying, "the Navy has a rock 'n roll band?!?" Yes, they most certainly do. And they ROCK. Maybe it was just because I have been missing some good ol' American rock 'n roll, or maybe it was the idea of seeing 5 dudes dressed in full sailor gear rocking like there was no tomorrow, but I was beyond impressed. I think the best part was their MC/roadie who had a full on mullet, hick facial hair, and an incredible American flag button up dress shirt on. God bless America.

The event concluded with a spectacular fireworks show on the Wansee. It was great until halfway through "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, when apparently a "fuse" broke, and they couldn't get the fireworks to launch. There were really two problems with this, the first being that they somehow fixed the fuse just after most people (including myself and Josh) left the grounds and were thus forced to see the fireworks from the street (which was covered with trees, which means that all we could really do was hear them). The second and perhaps most disturbing problem with this fireworks show was that they were playing Whitney Houston perhaps 4 songs into the supposedly 30 minute fireworks spectacle. I don't know about you, but "I Will Always Love You" doesn't really strike a super patriotic chord with me, let alone follow "Born in the USA" all that well.

So here is where my Friday night story gets interesting. After leaving the party, Josh and I go to meet his friends at a bar. I stick around for a bit but by then it was close to 1am and I needed to get back to my flat since I had a 7:40 flight to catch the next morning to Munich. As I'm getting on the train back to my stop, I notice a man gesturing to me. He is carrying a giant America ribbon that he clearly had taken from the party, and he noticed that I was wearing a American-German lapel pin that they had been giving away. He motions me over and we begin to talk. He is with a few of his friends, and one guy I assumed to be his boyfriend. We get to talking and apparently this guy is quite well connected to the entire US diplomatic mission in Germany, and is good friends with many of the higher-ups in the various embassies. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "yes this night might not have been for naught, perhaps I will get a sweet connection after all." Let me tell you though, I definitely did get a connection. Just not one I was expecting. Or wanted.

Anyway, this guy invites me to go with his friends to a bar for their mutual friend's party or something like that. It's just down the street where I live so I say, why not, just one drink can't be a big deal. So we get to the club and we all sit down and grab a beer. Within 10 minutes, all of the other friends have disappeared, and its just the guy and I talking. This is about the time that I begin to realize that he may be hitting on me. I try and play it cool but after we finish our beers he insists on buying me another and somehow makes a slip and tries to touch my hand. Now I am getting a bit nervous but decide to just play it cool cause I don't want to insult the guy. Now it's getting close to 2am and I really need to go home. I tell him I'm taking off yet he insists that I stay for one more drink. I tell him no I really need to go home but he somehow already had a beer for me. He tells me that he also needs to take off since he is leaving at 8 in the morning. He starts to hint about how far away the place he is staying is at, and keeps on bringing up how nice it is that I live so close. Now I am starting to panic. As I turn to leave, he walks out with me. I tell him I had a great time, it was nice to meet him, and maybe we'll meet up again sometime. I extend a handshake. He brushes it aside and says "no we're friends" and gives me a hug. Okay no big deal I can handle a hug. As we de-embrace, he looks at me and just goes for it. Right on the lips. Yeup.

Needless to say, this is when it got very awkward. He could tell I was not happy. He starts to apologies and I just tell him I'm sorry but this is not me. He looks wounded. I don't really care. I turn and start walking as fast as I can without looking like I was running. I buy another beer on the street and use it to gargle my mouth out. I get home and realize it's 3am, I still need to pack, and I have to get up in 3 hours. Oh and did I mention I was drunk and got kissed by a dude? Fuck.

Anyway though, I somehow made it to my flight and arrived in Munich safe and sound. After a few hours of rest, I met my parents and their friends in the city center for lunch. We had a traditional Bavarian meal, including beer, pretzels, weisswurst, and leberkäs (translates to "liver cheese," but it contains neither liver nor cheese...it kind of resembles SPAM). Needless to say, probably not the best post-hangover food, but I kept it down.

After the lovely meal, I walked around the city center a bit on my own before meeting up with my former, and now soon-to-be again roommate, Nico. Nico, along with a gaggle of other LC students, has been studying in Munich for the last year. They kindly took me in on Saturday and let me pig out at their 4th of July potluck/BBQ thing, but I'll get to that in a second.

After meeting up with Nico, we went for a walk through Englischer Garten, which I believe is bigger then Central Park. Regardless, it was a sweet park and probably cooler then Central Park just cause there are biergartens everywhere as well as (surprisingly) attractive naked people. Nico took me to the center of the park, where I indulged in my first liter of beer. It was awesome (and quite filling). It was there, drinking my liter surrounded by people in traditional Bavarian outfits that I really felt like I was in Germany. It was glorious.

Anyway though, after our romp through the park Nico and I went back to his giant student-housing complex (I mean, this place is like a city in itself) and enjoyed the company of a bunch of Americans as we took in the 4th. There was plenty of beer, burgers, and fireworks to make us all feel at home. At some point as it got dark and we were all playing with sparklers, I felt that it was my duty to stand on a post and recite the president's speech from Independence Day. I'd always wanted to do that. I had never felt so patriotic.

So the next day I woke up and was again sleep deprived and a bit hungover. Our family friend took us to an art museum which to be honest I couldn't really have cared less about, but hey, sometimes its important to get some culture in your life (or so I'm told). Afterwards we went for a bike ride through the Englischer Garten which was also quite nice. Finally, we got back on a plane and returned to Berlin, where I rested up for another week of policy writing and blank window staring.

Well, until next time...

Oh and for those who noticed, yes, I did edit this post since I originally posted it. Can you tell where!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

An Important Day

Today is an important day for America. Three reasons:

1. It only took 7 and a half months, but Al Franken has been declared the junior Senator from Minnesota. So long as Tim Pawlenty holds up his end of the deal, my boys (and a few girls) the Dems will finally reach that magic 60. If this former SNL funny man actually gets seated, we may be one step closer to the complete irrelevance of Senate Republicans. Kind of. Sort of.
2. We pulled out of the cities and towns in Iraq! We, the United States of America, managed to uphold our agreement with the Iraqi government and actually pulled out on time. M But hey wait! Where is Obama on an aircraft carrier with a "Mission Accomplished" banner this time? I'm just saying... Anyway, it only took 6 years but we're finally on our way out. Kind of. Sort of.
3. Now, this one is by and far the most important: I, Brad Elkins, have managed to post a blog entry for a second day in a row. Now this is truly a feat. Will it continue? No one really knows for sure. I definitely hope so, I'm finding the more I do it the more I enjoy it. That or maybe I just like it because it gives me a reason to shush my parents when they try to talk to me. Whatever the reason, it's still a damn good accomplishment, so please feel free to praise me with comments. Really though, I only got one on yesterday's post. If I don't get more I might not do this anymore...

So with the news of the day out of the way, I've decided that this post is going to be a picture diary of an average day-in-the-life of an American defence (they spell it with a 'c' here,) intern in Berlin.

7:30ish AM: The alarm on my phone goes off. I turn it off because its godawful and annoying.

This is where I do my sleep thang. Also, I spend countless hours surfing the web here instead of going outside and being active. Being a recluse can be so much fun sometimes.

7:45ish AM: I realize that I've been lying in bed half-awake for 15 minutes, and I need to get up if I'm going to make it to work on time.

7:46ish AM: I decide that I have time to spare so I check my email and somehow invariably end up surfing the news and/or checking out my new favorite blog (LOLcats ROFL).

7:58 AM: Actually get up and get in the shower.

8:10 AM: Realize that I've been standing in the shower, completely zoned out for over ten minutes. Realize how much I enjoy warm showers, but panic because I'm probably already going to be late for work. Vow to not check my email when I get up in the morning.

Showertime!

8:20ish AM: As I walk out the door consider grabbing something to eat. Remember I don't have anything quick to eat.

8:20:15 AM: Try closing my door using the "door handle." Remember how much I hate doors and locks in this country (seriously, so complicated for some reason...or just poorly made).

8:20:30ish AM: Walk out the door towards the nearest tram stop.

Chodowiekistraße 31 baby. Home sweet home.

8:21 AM: Call Amelia and wait for her to call me back so I don't get charged international calling fees.

8:26 AM: Get on the tram, and as I'm talking on the phone remember that I am the only one in a very crowded tram talking on a cell phone.

I remember my stop because it is reminds me of Glenn Danzig, of Misfits fame.

8:26:30 AM: Try to play it cool and blend in while still being the only one on the phone (yeah German people, I have a hard time believing none of you have phone calls to make during all that down time on the tram!). Amelia begins to think I'm not interested in talking or just not paying attention.

8:33 AM: I get to Alexanderplatz (big train station for those of you not in the know), and make my way across the plaza to my U-bahn entrance.

8:34 AM: Walk past weird Soviet cement clock thing that has become a makeshift tribute to MJ. Notice that people are leaving weirder and weirder shit there by the day (I'm not just talking about photos, candles, and roses - I'm talking hand drawn art and sculptures).

8:35 AM: Walk down the stairs to the U2 and decide what little store I want to buy an overpriced breakfast item from.

8:35:46 AM: Chicken out at the first three because I think the people working there recognize me and my horrible attempts at German. Each time I buy something from them they just answer me in English and I keep my head down.

8:36 AM: Walk past Dunkin' Doughnuts.

8:36:10 AM: Consider buying a doughnut.

8:36:30 AM: Chicken out again, but tell myself its probably for the best because I don't need it anyway.

8:37 AM: Walk to the platform and buy something from the vender there. At this point I just point to something and have them ring it up before getting out my cash. They generally ask me if I want a bag and if I want a napkin in German, and I just nod and pretend like I know what they're saying. For all I know they could be saying, "nod if you like to stick your thumb up your butt." I nod.

8:38 AM: At this point, my train is still 2 minutes out and I realize I will not be making it to work early like I tell myself I will every morning. Shucks.

8:40 AM: Deal with the massive influx of people trying to get on the train and vie for an actual seat. I was once pushed by an old woman for a seat. I almost pushed her back, but someone beat me to it and stole the seat before she even got to it. Karma. Nevertheless, I still had to stand and that just sucked regardless.

8:55 AM: Get off at my stop and wait with the other people in nicer suits then mine for the M29 bus.

8:57 AM: Well, now I'm not even going to technically be "on time." Promise myself I will do better tomorrow. Get on the bus and pretend like I've been doing this my entire life. I stick out like a sore thumb when the driver asks me something and I just smile and nod. He says something again, and I think he's telling me I look like I stick my thumb up my butt. I nod and smile again.

8:59 AM: Get off the buss and hustle my ass around the corner to work as I pull out my super cool ministry entrance badge to flash to the MPs.

9:01 AM: Flash the badge and try to make confident eye contact with one of the MPs as I walk through. Nine times out of ten I get the brush off.

9:02 AM: Walk up to the main entrance and scan my badge for entry. Feel like a badass for 5 seconds. If I'm lucky there is a tour group waiting to get screened for entry, and if I'm luckier some of them are young and look at me. Feel like a badass for 10 more seconds as I walk to the next secure door.

9:04 AM: Walk out of the elevator and past the other offices on my department floor, hoping no one says anything. They never do.

9:05 AM: Safely in my office, where I will sit until 11:30 AM when it is time for lunch.

The office I share with my internship advisor, Dr. Lutz Holänder. He's tight. You'd like him.

9:07 AM - 9:30 AM: Read the news sites that the government deems safe for me to read. This can at times last the entire period until lunch. Really depends on my work load. The work week or so, this pretty much summed up my entire work day. Except for the first day when my advisor was out and I wasn't granted Internet access. That day I just played with Paint and stared out the window and the concrete low-rise jungle that is Berlin.

My two windows to the world. Both provide limited viewing.

9:30 AM - 11:30 AM: Read endless background and/or policy papers. Summarize them. Occasionally give feedback (never personal opinions, just the opinion of the "German government").

11:30 AM: Sgt. Köhler stands in the doorway to my office and says, "Do you want to join us for lunch?" Seriously, same question, same time. Every day.

11:33 AM: Walk out of the building towards the Stauffenberg annex (where the cafeteria is) with the rest of my department. Generally I walk in silence and everyone else talks about things in German.

Point of clarification: Stauffenberg was one of the main conspirators of the 20 July plot to kill Hitler in 1944. The building I work in is where it all went down. And yes, the film Valkyrie was filmed there. And to the surprise of many Germans, Tom Cruise was there too (since our boy Tom is a #1 stunner for the Church of Scientology, he doesn't get a lot of respect around these parts. I believe the German government classifies Scientology as a cult. Or at least something along those lines).

11:36 AM: Look at the food menu at the cafeteria. Slowly I am beginning to understand more and more of what is being offered. This may be because they generally offer the same thing each day of the week. I'd like to think its because I'm actually learning some German. Kind of. Sort of.

11:38 AM: Feel disgusted by the prospects of eating more heavy, fried German food. Make myself a salad instead.

11:41 AM: Pay for my meal from the same checkout lady each time. She says some stuff to me in German. I smile and nod. Thumb up the butt thing for sure.

11:42 AM - 12:15ish PM: I almost always eat in silence while everyone else has loud conversations in German. Sometimes they stop to tell me what they're talking about. Other times they don't. I don't think I've had an actual conversation over lunch since my first week. Instead, I think about what I'd like to blog about that day. Or how this job better get me a sweet job in DC next year.

12:30 PM: Back to work.

1:oo PM: Daily meeting. I stopped going after the first week because its all in German. The Captain (my boss, and yes, he is a Kapitän) told me I didn't need to go if I didn't want to, so now I just look like I am being extra diligent with my work. Except for Thursdays. Thursday is known in the Navy as "Sailor Sunday," since sailors work 24/7. That day we have cake and pie. I go to those meetings.

3PM - 4PM (generally): Take off for the day. By law, paid federal employees of the Ministry are required to work 9 hour days, and must be in the office from 9 - 3. The other hours they can do either before 9 or after 3. Since I'm not paid, they don't really care how long I'm there for. I usually stay until 3:30 or so...really depends on what I'm doing. The first few weeks it was a struggle to make it until 3, but lately I've been so busy I've been staying sometimes past 4. Those days I really feel like a champ.

Okay so this post is getting pretty long. I think I will save my late-afternoon adventures for another post. Also, I will actually try and post some pictures of Berlin. And maybe if you're lucky some of me IN Berlin. Maybe.

I know I'm trying to get into the habit of doing this daily, but tomorrow my parents and I are heading up to Hamburg for the day, so we shall see. This will be my first time out of Berlin, and could possibly completely change my perception of Germany. Until now, I have been basing all of my conceptions of this country and its people off of Berlin. Many of this city's fair citizens however, have warned me not to judge this country by Berlin. Apparently Berlin is the cheap hooker/bastard child of metropolises in Germany. I don't know, but that's what I hear. Kind of. Sort of. I guess I shall see...

Oh and props to Amelia for sending me my new blog profile photo. I'm jumping for excitement because that is a Los Angeles street sign in Berlin. Who knew they were sister cities?

Pee Pee Ess: Yeah, that link on my name is the story about me from the LC website. Shameless? Yes. Do I care? Clearly, I don't. Should you care? Well, since you are reading this blog...

Well, I Tried

So maybe I'm not quite cut out for this whole blogging thing. I know I promised to write consistently, but hey, life happens. Which I suppose is a good thing, right? I know it's been three weeks, and that sometime in these last 21 days there must have been time for me to update this thing - and I'm sure there has been - but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. All day I think about all sorts of interesting things I'd like to blog about; interesting adventures, curious observations, my disgust for the German youth's (actually, all of Germans') obsession with Ed fucking Hardy. That shit is tacky, I'm sorry. Big bejeweled pseudo-G'nR logo graphic T-shirts don't look good on anyone. And no, not even with your all black Hugo Boss belt that is imprinted with "BOSS" every 2cm.

Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent. Anyway, I have really wanted to discus everything I've been doing up until now (and that unfortunately only gets longer and more complicated each time I put this off). I've realized that my hopes of a single giant "sum it up" post might never happen, so from now on I'm just going to do a daily (or as close to it as possible) update, and perhaps I'll throw in some things from the past if I'm feeling real saucy.

I was planning on uploading some suh-weet photos of my life here in Berlin, but unfortunately my father (who is visiting me this week along with my dear mother), picked up my camera and now it suddenly no longer works. More on this later. Well actually hopefully not because that would entail me still not having a working camera...

Well, it's getting rather late here and I like to get my 7 hours in before work, so this might be about it for the evening. I will conclude with a picture for you all to think about.

That's right. Megatron & the Berlin Wall.

More posts soon with real (slightly more serious) pictures and (slightly) more coherent ramblings.

Okay Mom, now you owe me 5 euro.

Obligatory First Post

Well, I promised many of you (and most importantly, myself) that I would start a blog about my (mis-)adventures, trials, tribulations, successes, failures, and general experiences here in Berlin, so here it is.

I know I have already been here for almost 2 weeks, but hey -- I've been busy getting situated.  Look for some updates later today with some of my correspondence to friends and family so you can get a feel for what I've been up to these last few weeks.

I've always found this concept of the blog (or for those of you from a previous era, diary) a bit contrived.  I never quite understood the point when I was younger, and even now it's taken quite a bit of personal convincing to actually sit down and do the damn thing.  I've always felt that it would take up too much of my time and/or I wouldn't know what to say.  While both things may be true, I have found that when spending a considerable amount of time by yourself each day (or consequently just not speaking to anyone because no one speaks your language), you have quite a bit of time for introspection and wouldn't you know it, blogging!

So here it goes, my first concrete attempt at retelling my life through words.  For those of you who know me well enough, you will also know that despite the fact that I now must write considerable lengths of text each day for my (unpaid) job, writing is by and far my most loathed task.  For me, writing is forever associated with deadlines, essays, and just general pain.  Let's face it, I'm a slow writer, so this sort of thing is a big deal for me.

I'm going to go fold my laundry now and hope that someone in the courtyard admires half-naked American men doing domestic chores and decides to strike up a conversation.  Who knows, it's Europe.  It could happen.